intuition

so i spend the night in a rest area in eastern pa. in the morning its raining

i jump in the front seat & start her up.. the radio isnt working ..again...

so i fiddle with it while the engines warming up..

.i get alil' frustrated with the thing cause

even though ive tried to toubleshoot the problem

it still just works whenever the heck it wants ..

so i jiggle the wires a bit which blows a fuse

so the windshield wipers dont work

so now i drive down the road while feeling around behind me in the little drawer for that box of fuses i know i recently bought

but no

it wont be easily found

so i have to pull over & look

no luck so i pull off at the very next exit

cause its rainin' & i might need those wipers

& there just happens to be a sign at the super 8 motel across from the truckstop

advertizing a wifi connection...

turns out the fuses i have are all the ones except the one 25amp fuse i need..

.somewhere in here i realize

that last night at the moment i drove out of new york city

mercury went direct after moving retrograde for the past 3 weeks

from about 20 degrees leo backwards to 9 degrees leo..

where it now stands conjucting my natal uranus in my 7 th house...

the planet of communications & short journeys

inspring & inspired by the planet of radical changes & electicity& intuiton/communion with divine mind

in leo the sign of play creativity romance children & self realization ..

in my 7 th house of intimacy /partnership /marriage/ & public relations...

so i go into the store to see if they have the 25amp fuse

& there is this drop dead gorgeous blond young woman

who must get this reaction alot

especially working in a truckstop

who has serious armour up

"like yeah im know im beautiful but get over it"

understandable but dang what a sight for sore eyes...

i get the fuse

& the attitude adjusts itself...

pop the fuse in.. viola.. have wipers...

so then i bust out the laptop to squeeze some juice out of the wifi connection from across the street.. & it wont work just yet

so i start her up & drive a little close to the building & try again to no avail ..

go to start her up again & it wont..

.i mean the engine turns but it aint happening...

oh no..

now im stuck in the middle of eastern penn.

in the rain

with expired triple aaa

with something seriously wrong with my unit/home /mobile art warehouse

[ remember..about 1000 canvas under one roof..how/where does he sleep in there? what, there's a little room on the side..]

& me with a country to cross & not alot of bread

so the whiny waaa me doesnt want to deal ..

wants the whole thing to just magically work..

i mean it was working just a minute ago..

i try the key a couple more times just in case

but then realize

i might need that juice

i.e. dont wear down the battery..

i could push start it to see..

[but i dont know if you've ever had the pleasure of witnessing someone try to push start a fully loaded vw bus on flat ground but lets just say it aint pritty ....maybe comical in a detached kinda way but if your the one doin the pushing its just down right embarassin' especially in front of a stunningly beautiful women... ]

..why now why me ...

feeling once again like a potatoe bug on its back[those little armadillo things that ball up]...

i literally try to answer this question ..

like whats the universe trying to teach me

or show me or remind me of

..why am i here..

i start to get real critical

of my life choices that have led me to this place

& i mean look at the mess that is the state of my life reflected in the mess in the back of the bus..

& then

i find myself in this daydream about the beautiful girl

who i bet the red detroit sports car

parked employee style infront of me next to the building must be hers..

i daydream/concider

maybe the reason i was brought here was to meet her

i see this scene where traveler meets small town girl

when his car breaks down at the truckstop she works at

& the hollywood side is she at first is all aloof

[the ancient me was always unconsciously attracted to these aloof women..

good thing i'm cured]

isn't interested in him at all

but when she sees him pushing his vw bus up & down the parking lot

i dont know something melted

..the glacier became a torrential river flowing at long last towards this querky stranger with the funky hair& odd choice in automobile...

but just then the pissed at my self part of me says

hey thats not it man

if she where the one

i'd want to come to her in strength not in neediness to be rescued

& i realized i'd rather have the freedom

of my working car

more than a broke down car holding me

in the world of a beautiful woman

[something about ulyses the clever inventor of the trojan horse that ended the trojan war taking 20 years to get back home to greece cus his ship got broke thru his dawdling & his crew got turned to beasts & this beautiful woman/sorceress took him in , "bewitched" him[?] & boingked his brains out for a good 7 to 10 years ? the soggyness of this kind of relationship never did really set right with me] ...

anyway back in the real world..

i get out there & open up the back of the bus shoving all the stufff foward

[clothes & rolls of canvasses]

to get at the engine compartment...

every thing looks connected ..

i remember a mechanic saying

" a car is a simple thing : if you have spark, and you have air and gas it should work..."

so i reason after cleaning & scraping the connections on the cap & rotor of the distributor

ive got spark cause it turns over ...

im guessing ive got air after checking to make sure the air hoses are all connected...

but here the intuition says

it sounds like your not getting gas ...

now the fuel filter

& pump

are underneath

the middle of the bus on the passengers side

did i mention the rain...

& i just found& fixed a leak

in the fuel line coming from the fuel pump towards the engine last week ...

but i dont know what your experience has been

but changing anything in that fuel line under there

its really hard not to get

basically

a gas bath

all down your arms

in your hair & face

& did i mention the cold

wet ground from the rain

this mornin' waaaaaaaaaa...

but my intuition says check it

so i change shirts

cuz

dont want to trash my nice 65% hemp/

one of a kind

tshirt sample i made

with the flower of life over the earth design

getting down & dirty..

..so i roll out a peice of canvas i use as a drop cloth & climbdown under ..

checking the old leak the fuel lines fine ...

now i know i last month change out the fuel filter

which is between the gastank

& the electronic fuel pump

so the filter shouldnt be the problem

but i can feel its kinda light

not much gas in it

which would be the case

if the elctronic fuel pump wasnt working to draw gas thru it...

im thinking

hummmmmmm???

the pump

it should werrrrr when you turn the key not all the way on..

but it would take somebody to turn the key & somebody to listen for the werrrrr..

i dont want to draw a lot of attention just yet ...

& just incase im wrong

& maybe its something more basicly mechanical like

i didnt have enough oil in it i check it

& its down about a quart

i go back into the store

& theres the beautiful lady again with the addittude' in place

which makes me wonder if she's just resisting the obvious mutual attraction...

or maybe she's married...

or...

anyway i put a quart of 20/50

on the counter

& dead pan as she can she says

"will that be all"

& i say

" auto parts store?"

she starts to explain directions

& i'm seeing myself having to peddle my bike

up onto the interstate

to the next exit

in the rain

5 miles to the auto parts store

& back

to face the counter guy saying:

"...electronic fuel pump for a 1980 vw bus??...

we dont have that in stock...

but

we can get it here tomorrow

or whenever

oh wait a minute

thats a vw

?

we'll have to special order that

from the butt crack of the autopartz godz in succession

..that 'll be 2 to 300 dollars plus shipping..

cuz they dont make those anymore

or

you can try the junkyard ..?

wheres that oh down the road around the corner up your own butt crack who knowz.."

etc...

i pay for the oil

dropping the entire contents of my pocket on the counter in front of the beautiful girl

[& the suddenly growing line of truckstop patrons behind me]

which

as luck would have it

is the exact amount$ 2.50 neccessary to complete this purchase

plus the blown blue fuse & couple of old gas receipts ...

put it in try it one more time that aint it...

my intuition very calmly & matter of factly says

if it's the pump that's stuck or clogged

you can sometimes wack it around a bit

i seem to remember hearing a mechanic say to me

"yeah, just wack it around a bit with a hammer & it'll sometimes start right up..."

so i look at the pump

& there are definitely wacking marks from past wacking sessions

thus confirming the validity of my vague recollections

as a man grasping for lite

stuck somewhat safely on the side of the road in eastern pa

....i mean it could be worse..right?

i could be out on the interstate

with semiz wizzing past

...in the rain...

dark...

ok

so i dig out the hammer from the back of the bus

& try with the wacking thing

& it still doesn't

work

but something says

" if you seperate the fuel line where it comes out of fuel pump

there should be gas pumping out when you then turn the key..."

so i climb back under there

& gently unscrew the clamp

that holds the fuel line on the long nipple of the fuel pump end aimed towardz the engine..

this is where the risk of a gas bath comes in...

but there's gas in the line that can flow back from the engine

but none coming from the fuel pump..

i stow the line facing up so it wont drain out all over the ground

& me

..get the plastic lemon juice bottle i cut the top off to use as awide mouth piss jar

& place it over the exit nipple of the fuel pump

& then go turn the key

just a quik short burst..

go back & check the piss bottle

and theres no gas in it...

viola ...

the good news is

i found the problem...

clogged fuel pump ...

the bad news is

i found the problem:

a clogged possibly broken fuel pump

or

it could be when i jiggle the radio

[ remember the radio way back at the beginning ..seems so long ago now]

& blew that fuse

that may have been connected to the electronic fuel pump ...

I i could have just fried something there..

.but no it was working fine to get me here

& it worked fine when i replaced the fuse...

it's toast

it's the fuel pump & it's toast

so i start to unscrew the clamp on the fuel line

that connects the other end of the pump to the fuel filter

to take it out & stare at it

i mean i could see myself climbing out from under

with the thing in my hand

whereupon i would proceed to stare at it

& ponderously explore more options ..

when all of a sudden

my intuition said calmly & oh so simply as ever...

".. stop

put that clamp back on ...

wacking

..try wacking ...

if you wack it now it might work..."

nothin' to lose..

so with my hammer

& a liberal wacking regime

climbed back up

& tried the key 2 short bursts...

climb back under & ..

viola ..

the piss jar

had an inch of gas in it...

..yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

i put the fueline back together

turn the key

& vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm

clunk clunk

clunkvvvrummmmmmmmmmmmm

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

peddle to the metal

down the road i reflect

on

what did i learn

or

"& the moral of the story is:..."

you know that part of the self

that just wants to say hey look i fixed it

i

...fixed it...

?

is probably the part that had the most to do with

constructing the conditions that needed fixing to begin with...

if anyone ever actually fixes anything

[or is it just the universe unfolding

before the wide eyes of the infinite children of the light]

i could easily see here

that it was intuition, experience, instinct, & wisdom

& the willingness to listen & then actually physically follow thru on what these aspects of the infinite are telling one/us/me that leads one ooooout of that helpless place

into the feelings of graditude, empowerment, & confidence

even reverence...

true confidence isnt so much

derived from what i can do thru personal accomplishment

but rather confidence

like harmony

is our natural state

that which arises when one realizes

in truth

lay the absence of fear:

the fear that i will or can somehow be in ultimate peril

or seperate from the eternal ...

yet

when i remain in the mind

that the highest expressions of this self

are always within &

infinitely accessible

never leaving me alone on the side of the road even if i need to think so

then i'm home

wherever i happen to be...

?